Chapter 2 – Knowing yourself

This is the second chapter in my virtual book, “On Leadership“.

This chapter is about building your leadership ability. In the previous chapter, we introduced the difference between managing and leading. You will recall that managing is a business skill and leading is a human skill. If you are going to be a leader, who is the first person you need to lead? Of course, the answer is, yourself!

This may sound odd. After all, we usually think a leader leads other people. That is true, but the first person a leader leads, is him or herself. In order to lead yourself, you need to first know yourself.

What does it mean to know yourself and why is it important?

Each of us has different strengths and abilities. We also have different interests and values. We are most effective when we have a clear picture of who we are, what we value, what we are good at and what we enjoy doing. And, of course, we need to know the opposites, too: who we are not, what we do not value, what we are not particularly good at and what we do not enjoy doing.

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Let’s look at two practical examples of this, one from outside the workplace and one from within the workplace:

John grew up in a peer group that was mostly from well-off families. While John’s family was modestly middle-class, he felt a lot of pressure from his peers to dress in the latest designer clothes, have the newest smartphone, and drive a fancy car. To have these things, he had to work very hard, missing birthdays and other special events of family members and friends. He also ended up taking on quite a bit of debt which he could not afford. Eventually, he worked himself into exhaustion and ended up in the hospital.

John’s aunt, someone who had treated him just as her own son when he was a boy, visited him in the hospital and asked why he was working so hard. At first, John did not have an answer. His aunt patiently asked about the many nice things he had and how he felt about having them. She asked without judgement, encouraging John to think about whether these material things were worth risking his health and missing out on spending time with his family and loved ones.

With his aunt’s gentle but powerful questions, John came to realize that all of these material things were not bringing him any happiness. And, in fact, they were causing him great suffering. He came to see that his actions were not aligned with his values: what he was doing (working to the point of exhaustion, missing special moments with loved ones, and digging himself into a deep hole of debt) were not fulfilling what was most important to him (health, spending time with loved ones, and enjoying the life he has). Realizing this allowed John to start making different decisions and, ultimately, to make choices that left him happier and more fulfilled.

The second example is from the workplace:

Anh graduated with honors in engineering and quickly found a job at a prestigious company. For the first year, Anh worked on individual assignments. She did not see how her work really made a difference and she had little interaction with her colleagues. Even though her parents were proud of her, Anh dreaded going into the office each morning and each afternoon, could not wait to leave. She wondered if this was what the next several decades of work would be like.

One day, Anh’s manager placed her on a short-term project working with team members from other departments to address a serious challenge that was affecting the company. Anh felt a new level of energy. She enjoyed learning about other parts of the company and how the project team’s work impacted the whole organization. Finally, it felt like she was doing something meaningful and she was not stuck working alone!

After the project was over, Anh’s manager asked what she had learned from the assignment. At first she hesitated to answer directly, but finally shared that she missed working with others and was energized by being part of something bigger. Her boss agreed that this was one of Anh’s strengths and said he would move her to work within a team. He also agreed to take more time explaining how her work related to the organization’s larger needs.

Self-reflection highlightThese two examples show how knowing yourself can help you feel more fulfilled and even happier in life, both inside and outside work. They are big-impact examples, but you can probably think of many everyday examples of how being more self-aware has helped you feel more fulfilled and happier.

What are some easy ways to get to know yourself better? There are many ways to deepen your self-awareness. The easiest is to set aside some time to consider the following questions. Write your answers and spend some time reflecting on what they tell you about yourself.

  1. What are the ten most important things to me in life? Rank them in order from most important to least important.
  2. What three words or short phrases best describe me?
  3. What is my biggest strength?
  4. What is my biggest weakness?
  5. What do I fear the most?
  6. What type of activities in the workplace make it feel like the time just flies by? Which activities give me the opposite feeling?
  7. What situations make me feel terrible, and what do they have in common?
  8. How do I prefer to interact with others?
  9. What motivates me to make progress?

One warning: when self-reflecting, be aware of your biases. Some of us have a negative bias, resulting in us being overly self-critical. Others of us have a positive bias, resulting in a too-flattering self-portrait. And most of us have a bit of both biases, which can distort the picture. The easiest way to account for biases is to seek inputs from others, but even if you don’t feel comfortably doing that (yet!) please make every effort to assess yourself as accurately as possible.

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Let me give you a quick example of how your answers to the above questions can deepen your self-awareness. One of my biggest strengths (question 3) is that I am very detail-oriented. Knowing this about myself means that I can be a great person to proofread documents, scrutinize implementation plans and critique written proposals. Those are the “pros” about this strength.

But I can also ask myself, when does this strength turn into a “con” or a liability? Sometimes I frustrate my colleagues by focusing on nit-picky details when all they are looking for is some general feedback. And sometimes I become so detail-oriented, that I risk missing important deadlines.

Knowing your strengths gives you insight into how to play to those strengths, but also how to watch out for “de-railers” or traits that can unexpectedly knock you off your path. This is true for all these self-awareness questions. Your answers to these questions will help you recognize some truths about yourself.

When we are working and living in a way that aligns with these truths, our life tends to go smoother. And when we are working and living in a way that goes against these truths, challenges arise.

Over the next week, set aside some time to do this self-awareness reflection. See what you can learn from it and start looking at how your life aligns or conflicts with your truth.

Interested to further increase your self-awareness? Here are four ways:

  • Ask people who know you to answer the questions above about you, from their perspective. For example, ask a trusted colleague, a close friend and your spouse for their answers and then compare how you answered from your own perspective. Think about why they have a similar or a different perspective about you and what you can learn from this.
  • Discover your DISC profile. DISC is a communications preferences assessment and can be helpful in recognizing how you prefer to interact and communicate with others. The free assessment and report on the Tony Robbins website provides helpful information. There are many other website that offer free or low-cost DISC assessments, too.
  • Meditate or exercise regularly. These types of activities let you get in touch with your body, especially your breathing. They help you let go of what you are thinking and “tune in” to your deeper self.
  • Keep a written journal. Regular journaling, recording your activities, thoughts and feelings on a daily or weekly basis, helps you pause and reflect, recognize patterns and learn more about yourself.

As always, we welcome your input and feedback: leave your comments below or drop us a message.

Writing my first book “On Leadership”

This website started as an idea for a book, a book about management and leadership. After some considerable thought, I realized that before rushing into publishing a book, this website would be a way to explore ideas and gather feedback. Based on that, I could eventually write a book.

The first book is titled “On Leadership”.

To read more, click the “Book 1 – On Leadership” tab.

Mistaking under-managing for empowerment

One common weakness of managers is their inability to execute – an inability to get things done. Since a manager works through his or her team, getting things done is the only way to succeed as a manager. You can’t do it all yourself.

Surprisingly, this weakness affects even managers with many years of experience. But it is especially common with newer managers. This is because before becoming managers, they were used to getting things done by themselves as individual contributors. Getting things done through others is a lot more challenging.

When it comes to the inability to execute, there are two common causes: some managers over-manage (“micro-manage”) and others do the opposite – they under-manage.

Managing execution effectively is critical to your team’s success and, ultimately, to your success. The good news? You can learn to become effective at managing execution. Let’s look at how:

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Micro-managing is essentially over-managing employees. This is when the manager leaves employees without any meaningful level of autonomy or control. The choices the employee makes are either just cosmetic or the manager will interfere with the choices after they are made.

This leaves the employee frustrated and disengaged. Worse, it wastes the talents of the employee. The manager is basically doing all of the important decision making. What a poor use of time and energy!

Why do managers micro-manage? The most common reason is that they don’t trust their employees to make decisions. They are not willing to take the risk that, sometimes, an employee will make the wrong decision.

The reason that micro-management leads to failure to execute, is that the manager is so involved in the details, that there isn’t enough time in the day to ensure everything is getting done. This is where the expression “Not seeing the forest for the trees” comes from. You are so busy with the details that you can’t see the big picture – and managing execution requires seeing the whole forest!

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The other extreme is under-management. This is the most common reason for lack of execution. Essentially, it is giving the employee too much autonomy and decision-making freedom without the necessary support.

Unfortunately, this happens with the best of intentions – the manager believes he or she is “empowering” their employees. But empowerment is only part of the equation. You also have to consider whether the person is ready for the level of responsibility you give them. Empowerment without capability leads to failure.

Think about it this way: most countries have minimum ages to receive a driver’s license and you have to complete instruction and pass tests to show you are ready. When a manager empowers an employee, it needs to be the right level of empowerment for them with all the right capability and resources.

Under-management leaves employees unable to succeed. They may feel excited by the amount of freedom they are being given – but more often, they are worried, uncertain and frustrated because they aren’t sure where they are going and how to get there.

The reason under-management leads to inability to execute is that the manager is so focused on the forest that he or she forgets to zoom in and see the trees. When she finally does, at the end of the month, the quarter or the year, she is shocked to discover that the objectives have not been reached!

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So if over-management and under-management both lead to inability to execute, what is the right solution? Just like in the fairy tale Goldilocks and Three Bears, the middle approach – effective management – is the right one.

Effective management means you do four things:

  • Set clear objectives – when you set a goal or objective, describe it in clear detail (think SMART goals – specific, measurable, achievable, resources and time frame) and check that the employee understands exactly what your expectations are.
  • Make sure the employee has the capabilities and resources – ask how the employee is planning to achieve the objective and what resources he will need. You don’t need every detail – no micro-managing – but you do need confidence that he has a workable idea how to reach the objective.
  • Check progress early – before the employee gets too far on their journey, do a quick check to see what progress is being made. For example, if you give them a week to reach a deadline, check in quickly the following day just to see how they are doing. This way, you spot obstacles or confusion early – not on the day of the deadline.
  • Monitor progress regularly – for larger objectives and longer-term goals, set regular meetings to review progress. If there are obstacles, use the meeting to confirm that the employee knows how to overcome the obstacles. Do not let the meeting end without a plan and a high degree of confidence that the plan will be implemented.

With these four steps, you are providing the right balance of managing. If the employee has a clear understanding of the objectives, workable ideas to reach the objectives, and is making progress, you can manage a little less closely. If the employee is struggling or is less experienced in this area, you can manage a little more closely until he or she gets comfortable.

Of course, once the objective is reached, take the time to reflect with the employee: what did they learn? What went well? What would they do differently next time? And what could you do more effectively next time as their manager to help them?

By practicing effective management – and avoiding the extremes of micro-management and under-management – you will become much more effective at managing execution and getting things done through your people.

Let me know what you think – your comments and feedback are always welcome.