This is the third section of my virtual book, “On Leadership“.

In the previous chapter, we introduced the idea that before you can lead others, you must lead yourself. And before you can lead yourself, you need to know yourself. In this chapter, we will look more at what it means to lead yourself, why it is important, and introduce some ways to lead yourself that we will discuss in upcoming chapters.

Every leader is also a follower. All managers have their own managers, after all, so they have to play the role of a follower of someone else, in addition to being a manager – and, hopefully, also a leader – of their own direct reports. Being a good follower means showing leadership over yourself: your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.

Consider this: have you ever, as a manager, thought about one of your employees and wondered, “Why don’t they just do…!?”

“Why don’t they just take responsibility? Why don’t they just follow up on what I told them to do? Why don’t they bring me solutions rather than complaining all the time? Why don’t they try and fix problems themselves instead of ask questions they know the answer to?”

If you say (or think!) those things about your employees, have you ever stopped and wondered what your manager wishes you “just did”? As much as you probably think you are an above average employee, there are doubtlessly things your manager wishes you did – or didn’t do! – that would make you even better.

Basically, leading yourself is about putting your words into action and being a responsible employee. By doing so, you will be a good example to others, especially to your direct reports. “This is the type of behavior I expect of you,” it says, “because I first expect this behavior of myself.” What’s important here is that you don’t lead yourself for the purpose of being a great example. That’s just a side benefit.

The deeper benefit of leading yourself is that it is about acting in a way that is consistent with your stated values. You may have heard the expression, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Well, leading yourself is about making sure you do as you say and as you do. Words and actions must align.

For example, if you say that treating people with respect is important to you, do you consciously treat people with respect – especially when it might not be easy to do, such as when you are frustrated with them or under stress? As another example, if you say that you value employees taking initiative, do you practice taking initiative yourself, or do you just wait for your manager to tell you what to do?

Besides the obvious benefit of being a good example for others (and people really want to work for a manager whose words and actions align – so it should be easier to attract people to your team and keep them longer), there are two other benefits of leading yourself effectively:

• Leading yourself effectively improves your mental well-being. You simply feel better when you are taking charge of your thoughts, feelings, and actions in a constructive way. People who complain all the time, who only see obstacles instead of opportunities, and who spend their energy making excuses rather than delivering results, usually don’t feel very satisfied and fulfilled. Leading yourself will leave you feeling more satisfied and fulfilled.
• And beyond this, the actions that are part of leading yourself will make you a much more attractive employee. Companies and managers value employees who lead themselves well. Demonstrating these behaviors will prepare you for more responsibility and future promotions. Leading yourself is good for your career.

How can you lead yourself? You might think back to what you expect from your employees, that “why don’t they just…” list. Those thoughts, feelings, and actions that you wish your own employees demonstrated are probably good indicators of what leading oneself looks like.

Here are four skills to help you lead yourself. We will talk more about them coming chapters.

• Self reflect – the basic skill of leading oneself is the ability to self-reflect. We introduced this skill in chapter two (“Knowing yourself”) and you will see it come up again and again in future chapters
• Build resilience – one of the most important skills we can develop to lead ourselves is resilience. When life knocks us down, how do we quickly get back up again? We will discuss this in the next chapter
• Focus on what you can do – you can empower yourself by focusing your time, attention and energy on what you can do rather than what you cannot do. We will discuss this two chapters from now
• Deepen your emotional intelligence – increase your awareness of your emotions and what you can learn from them, and develop ways to constructively express those emotions. We will discuss this three chapters from now.

For now, start by thinking about what “leading yourself” might mean for you and how you might practice the four skills listed above in your life – both at work and even outside work. Find one or two simple ways to begin practicing “leading yourself” and be aware of how these practices help you, and also what challenges you face when trying to lead yourself.

As always, we welcome your input and feedback: leave your comments below or drop us a message. And please follow me on Instagram: @leadlearnandgrow